The Road to Heaven and Hell: Judgement Day!

In the same column as his enthusiastic plug of the annual Stinky Town appearance of the Allman Brothers, NY Times music critic Ben Sisario gave this lame one-liner for tonight's sold-out Heaven & Hell show: "Black Sabbath with Ronnie James Dio in place of Ozzy Osbourne. Again. Which means it’s effectively 1980 and not very exciting. Again. At 8pm, Radio City Music Hall." Again, he likes the Allman Brothers. Isn't that sort of like having a Christina Aguilera fan review Robert Johnson?

Nonetheless, Larry had arrived from the flat lands and soon we were in line for the sensory feast of a lifetime...

While Lar, the purist, went exclusively for the geezers on stage, my interests included the more general freak show: the loyal fans...

This Stinky Town Heaven & Hell concert reportedly sold out in under 30 minutes. As the crowd waited patiently for the gold curtain to raise at Radio City, I took inventory. Although there was a sprinkling of all ages, we estimated at least 80% of the mob to be in their late forties or early fifties. Also, roughly 96% male and 99% Caucasian.

All types in attendance, too. Obviously there was a ton of lifers and burned-out headbangers, but I also saw a bunch of very excited Dads with their skeptical offspring in tow, lots of clean-cut Wall Streeters, a steady stream of Hells Angels and even a grandfather sporting the double devil horns at every applause. And while the ladies were sparse, they made themselves known with tall hair and tight concert Ts from 1981.

Then, the lights went out, the curtains went up and everyone stood. As I stared over a sea of balding heads, a very loud E5150 shook the hall and the band slowly came out on stage, one by one. They played non-stop for more than 2 hours.

The crowd was not disappointed, including Larry and myself. While Geezer's fingers were a blur and Tony/Vinny blew out everyone's eardrums, little Dio ran around locking horns with the front row of his fans. By the time Mob Rules was over, the once well-behaved mass of middle-aged 9-5ers had quickly reverted into the teenage metalheads of their lost youth. I haven't witnessed so much beer guzzling, pot smoking, pill popping man love in all my life. These guys were truly in HEAVEN!
A grand freak show, indeed. Despite the contact high, I'm glad we went clear-eyed and chem-free this time. Unlike the 3/30/86 tour, I remember nearly every detail from 3/30/07. Can't wait to see the boys again on their next Dio-era reunion... say, 3/30/28?

The Road to Heaven and Hell: 3 Days To Go

Last week, Rhino Entertainment launched a PR campaign for Sabbath's H&H tour, a poster design contest! And the grand prize is: "2 tickets to a show on the U.S. tour where you’ll meet and greet with the band, plus an official t-shirt, a signed poster, and a signed catalogue of Dio-era Black Sabbath CDs including the new release, The Dio Years." Already, there are some stellar entries to vote on. You've got to love headbanger art. Here are my 5 favorites so far...

The Road to Heaven and Hell: 7 Days To Go

"It's almost here, time to get the hair dye out," Sabbath bassist recently said regarding the band's reunion before they embarked on the Canadian leg of their tour this month. I've been tracking some reviews of the H&H shows as they make their way across the frozen tundra (slowly, possibly with the help of canes, walkers or wheelchairs) towards Stinky Town. Surprisingly, not all reports have been negative, some even favorable (excluding, of course, the loyal banger boards). Turns out the critics are actually appreciating these metal grand-daddys, particularly Iommi and Butler. Although one writer wondered where the hard rock geezer reunions would stop - "not only are old bands reuniting for a new chance at cash and prizes, but different eras of old bands are reuniting. What's next? Is David Coverdale going to rejoin Deep Purple? Perhaps... Iommi and Butler will bring back Ian Gillan, who recorded an album with Sabbath, and go out on the road as Born Again." That's a lot of hair dye.

Old(er)

On the morning of my most recent birth day, I awoke to a cupcake buffet, attended by a multitude of miniature monkeys, turtles, toads and rats.

Together, my new menagerie and I wasted half the day away watching season 2 of The Office. To celebrate another year on Earth, Stinky Town once again hosted a green parade in my honor. (For all its faults, this place really knows how to take care of its disgruntled citizens!)

By evening, while the drunken hoards were piling into any bar that posted a shamrock above its door, ODA took me out and toasted my Franco roots, treating me to a heavenly six-course tasting menu with wine at Fleur de Sel. Tucked away in the prime corner table, we spent nearly three hours sampling the chef's surprise vegetarian creations. Then, old(er) age set in and I pulled my shoulder muscle somewhere along the way home. Nonetheless, if the restaurant's ravioli are any indication, I think this is going to be a good year.

The Road to Heaven and Hell: 13 Days To Go

On a recent mining expedition, I came across evidence of H&H's front man, R. J. Dio, having once been a crooner. Long before his status as heavy metal icon hailing from Elf, Rainbow, Sabbath and finally his own band Dio, he was vocalist for some not-so-well-known local favorites including Ronnie and the Redcaps, Ronnie and the Prophets, and the Electric Elves. Even way back in the 1960s, the little guy was singing themes of heaven and hell. Then, of course, he quickly went on to commercial success.

The Road to Heaven and Hell: 14 Days To Go

A taste of what will be available at the merchandise booth night of show. Classy. I'm crossing my fingers for a fair mirror of days gone by.

The Road to Heaven and Hell: 20 Days To Go

20 days until the geezers of Sabbath take stage in Stinky Town. Can you smell it in the air? The stench of heavy metal? (A friend recently told me that smell was actually a combo of Aquanet, weed and crotch rot. Possibly.) In any case, this week the reunited Sabbath (currently touring as Heaven and Hell) posted one of the new studio tracks to be included on their upcoming box set Black Sabbath: The Dio Years. The new tune is called The Devil Cried and, well... despite (or because of?) the opening line "One fine day in Hell," it's not as bad as it could be considering what some other 'reunion' bands have produced. Very reminiscent of their early work with the little man, almost like it fell off the Mob Rules album. It's got most of the ingredients (thundering drums, heavy guitar and bass, devilish lyrics) but lacks the full song structure of their epic tracks like Falling off the Edge of the World or Heaven and Hell. It just starts and stops. Not his best effort, but 'ol Ronnie J. performs pretty well for a metalhead in his mid-60s. Sure as hell beats hearing Robert Plant trying to pull off a decent Babe I'm Gonna Leave You these days.

Pod Casts

Someday I want to cast some of my favorite seed pods.

In silver.
Bronze.
Not gold,
but maybe iron...
or steel.
Even plastic...
or rubber.
That would be cool.

Dan's Metal Memory of the Month: 3/07

Either Geoff Tate and the boys of Queensryche watched too much early Judas Priest videos or not enough Spinal Tap in their formative years as a metal band. I'm not even sure I remember this tremendous music video, Queen of the Reich, from 1983, but it's a prime example of the band's first incarnation as a full-on fantasy enterprise. In five years, QR would find their true identity as the "concept metal" band of the '80s with Operation: Mindcrime - heavy metal's answer to Pink Floyd's The Wall. Drenched with a grab-bag of bizarre shock imagery (sexy Catholic nuns) and generic anti-establishment themes ("Got no love for politicians or that crazy scene in DC, it's just a power-mad town!"), Mindcrime gave the band its fans. Later, singer Geoff Tate developed a unique coiffure - a cross between Silvio Dante's doo and a bad Midwestern mullet - and the band's themes evolved from silly to creepy. On the road to obscurity and debt, QR recently attempted to revive their status with the release of Operation: Mindcrime II, a non-awaited sequel to the original. (They did manage to rope Ronnie James into playing the role of Dr. X though... that was a savvy business move.) I must admit though, despite one of the most tragically lame acting attempts in music video history, Tate maintains one of metal's finest voices, in line with Dio, Dickinson and Halford.