Commuter Complaint #4

While religious yammering by crazy yet passionate folk on the subway ranks in the top 5 annoyances of commuting, often these subterranean mystics can be quite entertaining. The other night, on the trek home, after an especially loud and nonsensical Bible beater departed the F train, two 20-something guys started chatting to each other. The younger dude, hair pulled back wearing a grimy FedEx Ground shirt, did 99% of the talking. At first, it was hard to single out their conversation in the midst of the rush hour roar, but I slowly began to decipher words and chunks of sentences (heavily censored here for your delicate eyes): "Yo, yo - n___er, he was like laid out, for real, no f___ing kidding." The other guy nodded, eyebrows slightly raised. "F__k, yeah - in some like little cave or something, for like three f___ing days and nights, n___er. Totally toasted, ya'll." His friend looked puzzled. "Then, like BOOM! F___ing big ass boulder like split in half! N___er just f___ing stomps his ass outta the cave and is all "Yo, yo - here I yaaaam!" to all those motherf___ers who like f___ed with him. Roman n___ers. Then, he like flew up and sh_t... up there, somewhere. Heaven, I guess." Now, several other sardines were listening in, almost enthralled. "Awesome," his pal said - now completely converted. "F___ing right. And, yo - that n___er's coming back. But not like that old hippy sh_t. He be back as a f___ing kick-ass lawyer or like some banker dude. F___ing kick all ya'lls ass." Perfectly timed, the story ended at 2nd Ave. and the two enthusiastic young Christians exited the train, disappearing into the thick crowd of agnostic hipsters. Now, that's how you spread the good word!